I’m starting a new series called Letters From A Broken Heart. Each part in this series will be a letter to an ex lover who broke my heart. These are my raw and honest feelings. It’s a little terrifying opening myself up and being this vulnerable, but it’s a cathartic and healing experience. I hope sharing these letters will be healing for my readers as well.
This is A.J.s story…
When I first thought of creating Letters From A Broken Heart, I knew your story would be first. You are and will always be my first love but you’re also my first heartbreak. We met in middle school, which many will claim is too young to know anything about love. However, even at the age of 12, I knew I loved you. I’ve always felt things on a deeper level than most my age. I was boy-crazy in middle school. I was desperately searching for someone to love me. Back then, I thought for sure we’d be married with kids by now. Obviously, that didn’t happen. My best friend at the time told me I’d look back on our relationship as an adult and realize I never loved you. She was wrong. So very wrong.
I never thought I’d get over for you. My love for you was so deep that I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You broke my heart repeatedly and because I was so in love with you, I let you come back time and time again. You cheated on me, disrespected me, left me for someone else, used me, and none of it mattered. Every time you were ready to come back, I welcomed you with open arms.
You cut me deep and left permanent scars on my heart. You were the first to show me what love isn’t. It took years for me to move on and accept that you never loved me. It took years for me to stop allowing you to come back into my life.
I find it funny that to this day, you still try and come back. I’ve been over you for years now but that doesn’t mean I don’t still think of you. There will be a part of me that will always love you because you’re my first love. Even if I wanted to forget you, I never could.
I remember all the nights I woke up out of my sleep crying + drenched in a cold sweat because of how bad loving you was hurting me. Why was I so young experiencing so much emotion?
I went on to love again and experience many more heartbreaks. I got over you but the pain of what you did to me lingered. It followed me into each relationship I had.
It took time, but I eventually forgave you. The pain + anger was no longer worth holding on to.
I want to thank you for all the memories we created, both good and bad. Just like I’ll never forget the bad times, I’ll also never forget the good. I’ll never forget all the times we made passionate love or meeting your mom for the first time. I’ll never forget our first encounter in the school hallway. I’ll never forget spending the night at my best friend’s house and sneaking you in through the window when her mom left for work. We shared many laughs.
Even though you broke me, in a way, you made me the woman I am today. You made me the woman you still try to come back to.
You really missed out.
The One That Got Away