One of the core factors for healthy relationships is good communication. It plays a crucial role, especially in times of conflict or arguments. Hence, knowing how different genders speak different languages becomes important. The following insights are taken from a book written by Dr John Gray.

Men and women speak different languages. Though they may be using the same words, the way they are used give different meanings. They may differ in terms of emotional emphasis. Men usually talk or communicate to convey only facts and information. On the other hand, women use various superlatives and generalizations to express their feelings while they communicate. This may lead men to misunderstand the intention of women’s words and result in arguments.

The biggest challenge for a man is to correctly interpret when a woman is sharing her feelings and for a woman is to correctly interpret a man’s silence. There is a difference in how men and women think and process information. Women think out loud whereas men first internally think through the most appropriate response before they talk which might take a few minutes to hours. Other instances men stop talking or go silent are when they are upset and stressed.

What is helpful to do when a man goes silent?

Supporting men by not disapproving of the time they take, not posing a lot of questions at that instance and giving the time they need without judging may help shorten the time men spend in silence. Women can make notes of things they want to talk about to read out later and try talking to a friend to feel better at that moment. The more one pushes the man to talk when he goes into silent mode, the more time it takes for him to talk.

Communicating care and support to women:

It is not as easy as it sounds for women to wait till men talk when they are upset about something. Little changes in how men interact may help women worry less and wait until men are ready to talk. Simple phrases like, “I need some time for myself to think, I will be back” can be used to reassure women.

Communicating without blame to men:

When women talk about their feelings, men usually assume they are being blamed. A woman while expressing their feelings, taking a pause in between and telling him how much she appreciates listening to her may help men feel not attacked. Phrases like, “It feels good and relieved talking to you.”, “Thank you for listening to me. If it sounds as if I am blaming you, that’s not what I meant.” can be used.

By learning that men and women speak different languages, acceptance and respect become possible in communication. And it is no longer one vs the other rather it is the problem versus man and woman.

Importance of Professional Counseling: A friend or family member may listen to you, but they aren’t professionally, technically qualified or experienced to offer you professional advice. If you wish you can contact us at MindTribe to receive help from our team of expert psychologists.


MindTribe Founder Dr. Prerna Kohli, India’s eminent psychologist, established the company to leverage the strength of the online to make counseling affordable and accessible to everyone. MindTribe provides counseling, workshops, support groups, forums, and eLearning.

About the Author.

Sreyashi Motupalli is a psychologist at You can learn more about her by clicking here

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of, the Founders, or management team.

Acknowledgement: All images used are open source and from Unsplash.


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