I’m starting a new series called Letters From A Broken Heart. Each part in this series will be a letter to an ex lover who broke my heart. These are my raw and honest feelings. It’s a little terrifying opening myself up and being this vulnerable, but it’s a cathartic and healing experience. I hope sharing these letters will be healing for my readers as well.
This is V.W.s story.
Where do I even begin? Meeting you at 14 nearly killed me. You ruined my life. You destroyed me. You ripped my heart out of my chest, stomped on it, then set it on fire and watched it burn to ashes. You were a grown man who took advantage of me because you knew I’d allow you to. I was naive. I was in love. In love with someone who would never love me back. All I ever wanted was for you to love me. For you to see that I’d do anything for you.
In the process of loving you, I destroyed myself. I thought after the first boy I ever loved broke my heart that I’d never experience that kind of pain again, but everything you did to me hurt much worse. For nearly 5 years, I was devoted to you. I wanted you to love me so badly, I broke the heart of someone who loved me unconditionally. Just as you destroyed me, I destroyed them. I chose you over anyone who came along. I thought that by constantly putting you first, that one day you’d choose me. I waited years for a love that never came.
I supported you while you were incarcerated and you made empty promises. I had my blinders on thinking that things would work out the way I had always hoped they would.
You made me hate myself. Every time I looked in the mirror, I was disgusted at who stared back at me. All the love I had inside of me was given to you so I had none left for myself. I hated myself because I wasn’t worthy of your love. I tried to change myself hoping to become someone you would learn to love. I devoted so much time trying to make you love me that I forgot to love myself. You tore me to pieces. And not once did you care. Not once did you apologize for all the shit you put me through.
After what you did to me in 2017, I knew I needed to wash my hands of you for good. Holding on to you did nothing but hurt me. You manipulated me repeatedly to get what you wanted. Anytime I tried to tell you no or walk away, you’d guilt trip me. I gave you what you wanted every time because I was weak. What happened in 2017 opened my eyes to what I should’ve realized years ago. I’m glad I moved on before it was too late.
Sometimes I hate that I still care about you, especially after everything that has transpired.
Honestly, I don’t love or hate you. I don’t think about you as much as I used to. I’ve healed from the heartache you’ve caused me. I look back and feel so much regret for ever getting involved with you. I think about all the hurt I could’ve spared myself had I never given you my number. But I can never get back the years I wasted on you.
I’m proud of myself for getting over you. You no longer have control over me. Freeing myself from the chains you placed on me was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
It has taken me a while to get to this point but I do wish you well.
No Longer Your Ride or Die