I’m starting a new series called Letters From A Broken Heart. Each part in this series will be a letter to an ex lover who broke my heart. These are my raw and honest feelings. It’s a little terrifying opening myself up and being this vulnerable, but it’s a cathartic and healing experience. I hope sharing these letters will be healing for my readers as well.
This is D.D.s story.
You were the first and only woman I’ve ever been in love with. That may not mean much to others but it means everything to me. Many women have tried to make me fall over the years, but you’re the only one I deemed worthy of having my heart. I never knew another woman could make me feel the way you did. Meeting you was exciting. I’d unintentionally put a wall up when it came to being romantically involved with women and somehow you broke past every barrier. You were persistent in the beginning and I played hard to get because while I liked you, my feelings were still involved with someone else. You knew this but it didn’t stop you. Nothing stopped you. Eventually, I chose you over the person I’d been devoted to for years. I was under the impression that you chose me too.
Finding out there was someone else all along was gut-wrenching. When you chose her over me, it broke me. You broke me. And what made it worse was that you had the audacity to be mad at me for telling her everything. What made it worse was that you played the victim. You’ve always been manipulative. Suddenly, you treated me like shit. Like I meant nothing to you. You played with my feelings even after I let down my guard. For days, I couldn’t eat or sleep. I couldn’t show up for work because that meant I had to see your lying, cheating face.
And this was just the first time you hurt me. You went on to hurt me two more times. Every time we reconnected, I thought for sure things would be different. I wanted to believe you had changed especially the last time we got back in touch. But you hadn’t changed and you probably never will. You’re still the same coldhearted bitch you were in 2016.
Some days I still miss you. I miss the fire we’d make. I miss our poetry. I miss sending each other songs that expressed what we couldn’t find the words to say. I miss the sex. I never knew sex with another woman could feel so magical. I miss your soft-spoken voice that always seemed to calm the storm brewing within me. I miss how you handled me. How gentle you were with me. When we reconnected in 2020, you grew to be my closest friend, but once again, you tossed me to the side like I was trash.
I was hurt and it grew into bitterness which is why I’d randomly text you cursing you out. I still think about you often. I’ve considered reaching out just to see how you’re doing but I know it won’t be worth it. I know I’ll regret it.
We always said we’d meet again next lifetime and maybe, just maybe we’d be together. Maybe, just maybe you’d take better care of my heart. Maybe, just maybe you’d be the woman I needed you to be.
Maybe you’d love me the way I loved you.
I realized a while back that it’s time for me to say goodbye to next lifetime. It’ll never happen. We were never meant to be.
I could never forget about the only woman who has ever swept me off my feet and for that, you will always have a special place in my heart.
Your Wild Irish Rose