Grief comes and goes in waves. I have said it before and I stand by it… there is no time frame for the grieving process. I read a description of grief recently and it made a lot of sense; so I would like to share it with you:
Imagine you have a box.
Inside that box, on one side, is a button. This button triggers various emotions that are linked to grief.
Also in the box is a large ball, whenever that ball hits the button, you have moments of grief.
Over time, the ball gets smaller and smaller, but it never goes away. What this means is, as the ball gets smaller, the chances of the button being pressed are decreased.
So your moments of grief become less frequent.
This could mean you may feel a moment of grief once a month or maybe even once a year… that is normal, no matter how long it has been since experiencing the loss.
Sometimes, when the holiday season comes around, that ball can grow again, as memories from previous holidays resurface and you start to see other people posting pictures of them with their family and friends, or writing messages to one another on public social media.
It can be hard to switch off your thoughts.
But that is okay. You are allowed to think of those you have lost. You are allowed to take a moment, to shed a tear, to call it a night, to spend the day alone… whatever you need, it is okay.
Please keep your friends and family in your thoughts, especially if someone you know has experienced the loss of a loved one. Remember that they may be struggling, remember that a big get together and a lot of fuss may not be what they need. Remember that we are all only human.
It is okay to ask someone who is grieving what they need / want. If you are unsure whether planning something to ‘cheer them up’ is a good idea, simply ask them how they would feel about it first. Ask them what they need from you, if anything, and respect their response.
If they don’t need anything from you right now, if they say they are okay, simply just let them know that you are there for them if they change their mind, or even if they ever want to talk.
Little things go a very long way.