Being single is sometimes a choice for some people, however, many people struggle to find a good partner. Baring people who enjoy being single, no one wants to be single. There are millions of people who are constantly trying to find themselves a match but something is not working for them.
According to an old saying, “we all have a match, you just have to find them”, we must keep looking for the one that completes our puzzle perfectly. Did you know, it is you who can be responsible for being single for so long?
There are a lot of things that we don’t understand about ourselves that are affecting our chances of not staying single for so long. Sometimes our thought process is limiting us or it is our behavior that is repelling people away from us…we’ll have to find out!
What is it that is making it so difficult to find a partner?
5 Reasons “Why am I Single?”
1. Your defenses are overprotective
Your defense mechanism can play a huge role in explaining why you’re single. In case you’ve experienced hurtful interpersonal relationships, your defenses tend to scare you off of the new relationship.
From the very beginning of your life, if you’ve seen or experienced unhealthy relationships, your defense mechanism will stop you from getting into new relationships. The relationship you shared with your parents, relatives, or friends; can influence how you interpret being in a relationship.
2. Unhealthy attractions
This is very common! Many people fail to understand that they have unhealthy attractions and later blame their partners for being the way they are. “Bad boys/girls attract me” have you heard this before?
Many people are attracted to people who are less than an ideal partner for them because the cover attracts them. As the relationship moves ahead you need to resonate with the inner self of your partner, which is unlikely to happen when you choose the cover and what’s inside it.
Therefore, you break out of that relationship before you even know it and stay single.
3. Fear of Intimacy
The fear of intimacy can make you run away from relationships quite often. You might stop being with a person if he/she has started liking you too much or is invested in the relationship.
Your fear of having an intimate relationship with someone can stem from the experiences you’ve had in the past. Being completely honest about your feelings and thoughts is something that scares you, perhaps you fear your supreme connection not being the same always.
4. You have a low self-esteem
Having low self-esteem can damage you a lot more than you can ever imagine. One of its dark sides is that it will stop you from approaching someone you like. Your low self-esteem will only point out your weaknesses.
With low self-esteem, you’re always dwelling on the thoughts of how incapable you are or how out of league you are. Low self-esteem stops you from taking the first step, it makes you feel like you’re not good enough, therefore, you stay single!
5. You’re too picky or a perfectionist
Have you watched the famous TV show F.R.I.E.N.D.S.? Remember when Chandler thought he would die alone? It was because he is being too picky in choosing a girl, sometimes the head was too big, or the nostrils are huge, etc.
Similarly, when you choose to only focus on one weird thing about your partner and disregard all the good things about them, you’re most likely to not find anyone. Stop looking for a perfect partner, look so someone who makes you feel happy.
6. Fear of Competition
When you have issues like low self-esteem, low confidence, self-worth issues, etc. it’s very easy to develop a fear of competition. When you function with the fear of competition you’re too quick to take a back step as soon as you realize that someone else is approaching the person you like.
With the fear of competition, the chances of being single for a long time increase because you believe that you’re not good enough. Therefore, you don’t put in the needed effort once you sense some competition.
7. You’re afraid to break out of your comfort
As we grow older we begin to create a comfortable routine for ourselves and have some rules especially regards dating because we don’t want to be in an uncomfortable zone. Both men and women create a life for themselves (financially and emotionally) that doesn’t challenge them every day.
The fact that you’re too afraid to step out of that comfort zone, going out of the way to be in a relationship is scary to you. Therefore, you don’t take any risks with your comfort zone, and while protecting that you let go of being in relationships.
Psychological Effects Of Being Single Too Long?
Now that you know why you’ve been single for so long, you might as well understand how it may affect you. Did you know being single for a long time can affect you psychologically? Well, it’s like you forget how to be…
Let’s look at some of the psychological effects of being single for too long;
Your ability to focus on others’ needs before your decrease. When you’re on your own for a long time, you get used to gratifying your needs ASAP. However, when you get into a relationship, sometimes you need to put your partner’s needs before yours.
You lack empathy after being single for a long time. Your ability to notice non-verbal cues your partner might let out is way too bad. Your empathetic bone is way out of order right now!
Your self-worth is reduced. When you are in a relationship your self-worth is being boosted constantly and you feel more secure and stable. However, when you’re single for a long time, you have this feeling of instability and low self-worth.
You fail to adjust according to someone else’s requirements. You are so used to being the way you are that even the slightest of changes make you uncomfortable.
You indulge in self-sabotaging behavior if you stay single for a long time. When you get into a relationship after being single for a long time, you start questioning everything good that happens and sabotage it.
What To Do If You Don’t Want To Be Single Anymore?
Other than willingly choosing single life, being single can make you feel lonely and that can be frustrating. There can be intense psychological effects of being single for a long time as we discussed above.
However, there is something you can do about it. You already know the reasons why you are still single, therefore, you have a hint of where you should begin working. To make it a little easier for you, here are some useful tips if you don’t want to be single anymore;
1. Know what you really want: It’s important to understand what is it that tops your priority list. You should know if you really want to be in a relationship or if you’re just following the trend. Also, know what you’re looking for in a partner. Be clear!
2. Reflect on what you might be doing wrong: If none of your relationship attempts has been successful, there is something that you’re doing wrong. You need to identify your mistakes and rectify them.
3. Make your partner feel important: If you give up on your partner because of your insecurities and fear, they are definitely going to feel unimportant and unnecessary in your life. If you really are in love, step out of your comfort zone and make them feel important.
4. Try to understand your partner’s boundaries: Boundaries are really important especially when you’re in a relationship. It is very easy to misread your partner’s boundaries and that can cause problems.
5. Appreciate what you have: Sometimes things take their own sweet time, and it’s important to appreciate the life you have now. Single life is not all bad, there are benefits as well. Be patient and enjoy the life you have rather than miss out on everything waiting for a perfect life.
That’s All Folks!
I hope you found this blog exploring the reasons behind “why am I single” helpful, interesting, and thought-provoking. Do share this blog with your friends and family and especially those people who have no idea why they have been single for so long.
Thanks for reading.
Take care and stay safe.
Frequently Asked Questions 1. Is being single for a long time common?
Well, single life is pretty common and is even enjoyed by many people. Did you know almost 15% of the U.S. population has never been in a relationship and or intends to stay single their whole life? Therefore, being single is not something rare.
2. Is there a reason I am still single?
There can be plenty of reasons for being single. We have discussed most of them in the blog. But the most important reason is your insecurities, they just limit your growth. Try to fight your insecurities, broaden your spectrum and be open and accept others for who they are.
4. Is something wrong with me? Why am I single?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Being single is not a problem, you’re perspective is what creates all the problems. You can’t force yourself into a relationship, it’s something that should come from your heart. Be patient and positive, I’m sure you’re perfect match will come to you soon.