Love can neither be explained in words nor can a definition define it. It is beyond all the labels and categorization and is never bound by titles and relationships. Sometimes, the unspoken words, gestures, unshared secrets, and unsung melodies of two souls are enough.
This is why falling for someone happens even when you haven’t met them. If it is for the time being, it is okay. But if it starts affecting your day-to-day work and you cannot get over someone you never dated, here’s what you can do.
In this guide, we will explain certain tips that can help you move forward and get over the emotional journey where the echoes of what could have been are heard.
Why Getting Over Someone You Never Dated Is Difficult?
Getting over someone you have never met or officially dated can be surprisingly challenging because of various emotional and psychological factors. Here are some of the common reasons:
As you have never dated the person, there is no clear definition of the relationship or, say, there is no labeling, and no boundaries are defined. This confusion leads to several doubts and questions about the nature of the connection. This means it becomes difficult to differentiate between friendship, romantic interest, and feelings of love.
If ever senses that the relationship had the potential of being something more, but it never materialized. This unfulfilled promise leaves you longing and makes you think about what could have been if you had dated. Would the relationship have been long-lived, or what would have happened?
Without a formal relationship, idealizing the other person and creating a romanticized version of them in your mind is easy. When you do so, you start living in a fantasy world, due to which, when faced with reality, you cannot distinguish between reality and the world of your imagination.
4. Lack of Closure:
If there is no relationship and all that you ever thought was in your head, there will be no formal ending or closure, making it challenging to accept that the relationship has reached its conclusion. This leaves you either with a hope that something might happen or you may always live with uncertainty.
5. Fear of Regret:
The fear of missing out on a potential love story can be powerful, even if the relationship wasn’t established. You always fear what would have happened since you imagined things in your head and have lived the relationship without even dating the person.
6. Investment of Emotions:
You have invested time, energy, and emotions into the connection, which makes it harder to let go. Also, comparing this unfulfilled connection to past or future relationships amplifies feelings of loss or inadequacy.
7. Social Validation:
Society often places importance on formal relationships, leading to feelings of inadequacy or a sense of being “less than” because the relationship didn’t progress. This makes you lose self-confidence, and on the other hand, you may also feel hopeful that things will change and the relationship will evolve into something more substantial.
8. Attachment and Bonding:
Emotional attachments can be formed even when no official labels or you date the person. Breaking these bonds can be challenging. This is why understanding what you are getting yourself into is important.
How Do I Stop Obsessing Over Someone I Never Dated?
It is okay if you feel happy and joyous when you think of someone. But if obsession and thoughts about someone you never dated start to affect you, you need to redirect your focus and regain emotional balance. Here are certain tips that can help you with it:
1. Set Boundaries:
Limiting yourself or limiting the exposure to triggers helps to handle all sorts of situations. Looking at the person’s social media profiles or places you both went together as friends, colleagues, or acquaintances triggers certain emotions, makes you feel anxious, sets a boundary, and distances yourself from such attractions. This will allow you to start entering the process of detachment.
2. Redirect Your Thoughts:
When obsessive thoughts arise, consciously shift your focus to activities or topics that engage your mind. Engaging in hobbies, learning something new, or spending quality time with loved ones helps shift the focus, and you no longer focus on the relationship that never blossomed.
We are not saying that you will totally forget about it, but these activities will distract your thoughts, and the less attention you pay to them, the more aware you will be about what is happening in the present.
3. Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques:
Try to be in the present moment and appreciate what you have. This will help you avoid getting lost in fantasies or what-ifs. Also, you can start practicing some grounding exercises like deep breathing or meditation, which will help bring you back to reality.
4. Journal Your Feelings:
Writing down your thoughts and emotions is a powerful way to process and release them. It provides a healthy outlet for self-expression, and you understand where the emotions flow when you start to acknowledge and pen down your feelings. You give them a way in which they can be expressed.
5. Seek Professional Support:
A therapist or counselor can offer valuable tools and techniques to help manage obsessive thoughts and navigate this emotional process. Hence, when you are looking for ways to get over someone you have never dated and have tried everything, but this emotionally complex process becomes challenging, seek professional help. There is nothing wrong with it. It is a sign that shows how strong you are.
6. Acknowledge Your Feelings:
Recognize and validate your emotions. It’s okay to feel sad, disappointed, or even relieved. Permit yourself to grieve the unfulfilled connection. If things don’t turn out how you want, it is okay because you never know God’s plan, and sometimes you don’t know what you want. It is a momentary attraction that makes you think about dating the person.
7. Set Realistic Expectations:
You need to understand and accept that moving on takes time. There is no reset switch that you turn on, and everything is wiped. Do not pressure yourself to “get over it” quickly. Healing is a gradual process. Give yourself the time and be compassionate.
8. Practice Self-Compassion:
Be kind and patient with yourself. Treat yourself with the same understanding and care you would offer a friend in a similar situation. Write down your thoughts or get engaged in some activities that you love this will provide a healthy outlet for self-expression and reflection, helping you gain clarity and perspective.
9. Focus on Your Growth:
Use this time to invest in self-improvement and personal growth. Set goals and work towards becoming the best version of yourself. Stay present in the moment. Embrace new experiences and opportunities. This can help you discover new aspects of yourself and create positive momentum.
10. Affirm Your Feelings:
When you start to feel for someone without having any official romantic relationship you may experience feelings of self-blame leading to a sense of guilt, embarrassment, or even anger towards oneself. You might even question the validity of your sadness.
Feeling this way is normal as you invest time and energy but if these emotions hinder your ability to heal, it isn’t a good sign. The best way to process these feelings and handle this situation is to avoid suppressing your feelings.
You need to understand each relationship is accompanied by a certain degree of pain. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one or the end of a romantic partnership, happiness and sadness walk hand in hand.
Even if the romantic relationship didn’t materialize, it is okay and it is normal to grieve as you value the relationship. When you give yourself permission to feel your feelings without judgment you are able to manage things and navigate through this emotional upheaval.
Say Goodbye to “What-Ifs”
Imagination is a way we manifest what we want in life. Through it, you can feel things happening especially if feelings are attached. This is why even when you are lonely and you daydream it is comforting and you feel good when you think about that special one.
But if you want to get over that someone you never dated, you need to put a full stop to this daydreaming process. It is like you need to constantly remind yourself that you don’t need to think about that person anymore and you don’t need to check the online profile or visit places that remind you of the person.
When you find yourself thinking about that person and imagining a happy life shift your thoughts and get into reality. Think about something else and if this seems difficult get yourself busy with things you like, do journaling, and do things that take your mind off it.
Is It Possible to Be in Love with Someone You Never Dated?
Yes, it’s possible to experience deep love for someone you never dated. Love is a complex and multifaceted emotion it can develop in various forms and intensities. Even if the romantic relationship was never developed you can feel attracted to the person and can imagine living a happy life. The intensity on which you feel the emotion is real and valid.
Honor your feelings and never condemn yourself to feel this way. Even if the circumstances didn’t lead to a traditional romantic partnership, it is okay because your feelings, care, affection, and concern all were real and valid.
Is It Common to Never Get Over Someone?
It’s important to acknowledge that moving on varies from person to person. For some getting over someone and moving forward is easy while others may take a longer time to get over the feelings. The healing process takes time; it is not that you can compartmentalize your emotions. There’s no specific timeline for when or how you should “get over” someone.
What’s most important is prioritizing your well-being and emotional health. Moving on can be complicated and each individual has their own journey to go with. Some can walk on even when there is no closure and some need closure. So be patient with yourself and not rush the process.
Getting over someone can be difficult. You may experience moments of progress and regression. Seek support if need be and talk to people with whom you can resonate, you’re not alone in this experience.
How Long Does It Take to Get Over Someone?
The time one takes to get over someone varies from person to person and on various other factors. There is no set timeline, and healing is an individual process still there are certain factors that can help understand how long will be the duration of the process of healing.
1. Depth of Feelings:
The intensity at which you feel the emotional connection has a strong impact on the healing process. If you had a strong attachment and you spent most time with the person or daydreamed about being with the person it will take more time to heal.
2. Type of Relationship:
If the person with whom you wanted to have a romantic relationship was your close friend or you developed a deep connection with that person over an extended period, getting over the emotion and the person will take time as you need to acknowledge the fact that there is no future and you need to adjust with this change if you don’t want to lose the friendship.
Remember the dynamics of your relationship, whether a close friendship, a potential romantic interest, or a one-sided attraction, influence the grieving and healing process.
A clear understanding of why the relationship didn’t flourish or take the turn you wanted it to help heal fast. If there is no understanding or closure you will take time to heal as you will have a lot many questions for which you will always look for an answer.
4. Coping Mechanisms:
Your ability to cope with loss and manage emotions plays a significant role. Some individuals naturally have more effective coping strategies while others need support. If you think you cannot cope with the emotions you are feeling, seek support and try to acknowledge your feelings this will help in getting over someone you never dated.
5. Support System:
The presence of a supportive network, including friends, family, or a therapist, can provide emotional comfort and aid in the healing process. Also, taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being positively impacts the healing process and shortens the time taken to move on.
Furthermore, how ready and willing you are to accept the reality of the situation and let go of any lingering hopes or attachments can affect the duration of the healing process.
Takeaway – The Journey of Moving On
Getting over someone you never officially dated can feel challenging like you are walking barefoot on the sand on a hot day. But it doesn’t mean you stop walking on it. To take care of your emotional well-being and personal growth is an essential step. Your feelings are valid, and there’s no set time frame for moving forward.
“You may not be able to be in control of everything that happens to you, but you can decide what affects you and what doesn’t. You can decide on what things you want to hold on to and what you want to let go of. Embrace your journey towards a brighter, more confident you. There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for moving on from someone. Be kind to yourself and let the process unfold naturally.
Rushing or suppressing your feelings will not help instead it will slow down the healing. With time, self-compassion, and self-care, you will find closure and will be able to move forward and get over someone whom you never dated.
The post How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated appeared first on Calm Sage – Your Guide to Mental and Emotional Well-being.