What do you mean I am not going to see them again? No that’s weird.

The only thing promised and guaranteed in this life is death but I still can’t seem to wrap my head around it. You would think some people will be by your side most of your life and just like that the angel of death pays a visit to the ones you love the most and again just like that, you’ll never have lunch with them again.

The hardest thing is acceptance because what do you mean I will never see you again? What do you mean I don’t get to hold and hug you again? What do you mean I don’t get to annoy you again? I never got the chance to tell you how much you mean to me, so then how can you leave before I got the chance to do that? How could you be so selfish?

How could you leave me?

How about the plans we made together? and now I have to bury you?

What about me?

It sounds selfish I know but it’s not fair.


It sounds selfish I know but I’m allowed to feel this way, you’re the one who left me. I wanted to see you grow into the incredible person you are, you were meant to see me get my first car, come on rides with me for ice cream to McDonalds at 2AM and we’ll never get to do that.

The hardest thing about grief is waking up after two hours of sleep and being reminded that they are still gone, feeling your heart drop, and nothing hurts like a broken heart.

Having a support system is extremely vital because unfortunately what some may tend to forget is that after everyone has left the funeral house, the pain is with you for a long time whether it be days, months or years.

When I was going through a hard time, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the unfortunate turn of events and I resulted to therapy. So that’s always on option.

Others are uncomfortable with conversations surrounding death and others make jokes, Everyone grieves differently, and don’t ever let anyone tell you the “right way to grieve.” as long as you’re not putting yourself in harm’s way, it’s okay.

The truth is when it comes to grief, you do not necessarily get over it you learn to live with it. You get comfortable with being uncomfortable until it’s your norm. You eventually get to cope with not having your person around and take as much time as you need.

Take care of yourself and grieve however you feel best fits you, it hurts but eventually you live with it and that it itself is the hardest piece of information.

This blog post is in memory of my baby cousin Upale Lupundu Kaloshi. You are loved and will greatly be missed.

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