In this extract from her new book, I’m Not As Well As I Thought I Was, the comedian and writer gives a Zoom talk about depression from her hospital room
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I don’t answer my phone because I wouldn’t know who I am, let alone who they are. Nothing is working except my eyes, which dart around the room. I notice they designed it to make sure there’s nothing you could hang yourself from. There are no faucets in the sink, so water squirts from the wall. How do you hang yourself from a faucet? But I’m not thinking about killing myself. I just wish my life would stop. It hurts so much.
There’s a constant stream of nurses coming in to see me. Some take blood, some hand me little cups filled with multicoloured pills, some come to check I’m still alive, some to bring me food which tastes like Styrofoam.
I’m Not As Well As I Thought I Was is published by Penguin Life (£18.99). To support the Guardian and Observer order your copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply