Checking in with yourself as a man.
When I was on my flight from Turkey to Manchester last month, I watched a film called ”Analyze This”
A Mafia don suffers anxiety attacks which force him to visit a psychiatrist. Renowned for his brutality, the mobster is worried about his reputation when he finds himself bursting into tears for no apparent reason. Seeking help on the psychiatrist’s couch, the forceful and demanding hard man proves a challenge to the doctor who has several complicated problems of his own.
Film Synopsis
I didn’t know what to expect but it surprised and entertained me in the best way possible. To see such a well renowned respected man (Paul Vitti played by Robert De Niro) be vulnerable was almost astonishing to see, I mean, he was a mob boss. That’s something that is least expected but it shows to tell that anyone can get anxiety even during high illegal activities.
You can have anxiety and still be strong. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and I am confident no one can call me weak. I just know that sometimes I need a moment to catch my breath or a hug. Does that make me sound weak? For needing normal human connections? I am a human being and so are you. It’s okay to need reassurance, and yes, men need reassurance too.
In the film, like many men, Paul Vitti is embarrassed he has to see a psychiatrist but throughout the film you see him adjust to the idea of getting help.
You’re so used to doing things alone ”as a man” so why not check in with yourself for once? Maybe you need to be heard and express your feelings without judgment. Maybe you must be reminded that your life is worth living. Perhaps you need to hear ”I love you, and I promise everything will be okay.” from someone you love or care for.
The sooner you accept that these are the important things you’re missing in your life, the more you’ll grow mentally. I can assure you that you won’t find the answers by drinking alcohol excessively. You won’t find the answers by having casual sex with someone you don’t have an emotional connection with. And you won’t find the answers by making your job your entire identity.
You can have the best car in the world, the most expensive jewellery, the biggest house, best job but if you’re not taking care of yourself, none of those things matter because they are all material. Therefore you as a man need to check in with yourself because there comes a time when you truly have to grow up mentally and emotionally.
The longest relationship that you’ll ever have in this life is the one with yourself so it’s crucial you are patient and kind towards yourself, even in the depths of loneliness and despair. It’s of course not easy for any man to especially when you truly believe you have no one.
Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 35. 41% of men who consider committing suicide have never spoken to anyone about their feelings, including medical professionals, family or friends.
Everyone has mental health but not everyone has a mental illness and a lot of men are mentally ill. One may argue but if men make up 76% of suicides world wide then it’s clear not enough work is being done in homes, religious settings, social settings etc. If your friend tells you he is sad, listen to him, pay attention and show you care by being actively there.
When I was in a romantic relationship, I noticed certain patterns in our conversations that made it clear he wasn’t doing well. I made sure to bring it up with kindness and not out of spite. In relationships, if you notice that your partner is having a hard time or is more easily irritated, it’s important to listen to them and create a safe space for them to be vulnerable. Instead of criticising or belittling them, understand that many times, men feel uncomfortable admitting their struggles and may interpret it as a sign of weakness.
It isn’t.
If it were a crime to be open about feelings and emotions, I would be locked up for life without the possibility of parole.
Buying a Rolex feels better when you’re mentally healthy and not when you’re feeling extremely depressed. When you’re in a good mental state, you thrive, your relationships become more meaningful, and you can actively be present with your loved ones and care for them and yourself. Ignoring self-care can result in repeating the same patterns with different people, when often these issues could be resolved through communication.
It’s the end of Men’s Mental Health Month but remember in your life it’s always men’s mental health day. Stay true to yourself, hold yourself accountable and allow yourself a break.
and I leave you with this question; How are you really doing today?