Infidelity is one of the most difficult challenges a couple can face, and some relationships simply do not survive it. Being cheated on can cause long-term and devastating mental health effects. The lasting trauma caused by being cheated on can impact all aspects of life.
Few events cause more emotional pain than having a partner cheat on you. The sense of betrayal cuts so deep and is so long-lasting that it can result in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Keep reading to learn more about the trauma caused by being cheated on.
The Impact of Infidelity
When trust is breached due to an extramarital affair, it will trigger a cascade of emotions. This is true whether it is a sexual affair or an emotional affair, as they are both devastating to the other spouse.
The shock of learning that your partner has cheated on you releases intense feelings of loss as if someone has died. Some of the ways infidelity affects someone include:
Your reality is turned upside down. The person you trusted has betrayed you, which, when it sinks in, turns your world upside down. In an instant, you realize that everything you thought was real and genuine was not. You now have to ascertain whether your marriage can survive and how your kids will be affected.
You experience the fight or flight response. Anytime we experience a traumatic event, and being cheated on qualifies, we go into the fight or flight response. This is the stress response that causes cortisol and adrenaline levels to spike. This is why a partner learning of a spouse’s cheating sparks such anger and rage, and even violence.
You are traumatized. Learning that you have been lied to and cheated on is devastating and traumatic. The experience can leave you feeling depressed, paranoid, fearful, and anxious, and even lead to PTSD. PTSD is a prolonged response to trauma, which can have a severe impact on your quality of life.
You may blame yourself. It is not unusual for the victim to start blaming themselves for their spouse’s affair. Self-blame results from feeling utterly rejected and humiliated after learning about the cheating, thinking you must not have been good enough.
What is Trauma?
Learning that a partner has been cheating on you is a sudden shock to the system. It is traumatic. Trauma is any event that invokes an intense sense of fear, dread, or loss of control. Some other types of traumatic events include:
Physical or sexual assault.
Sudden death of a loved one.
Natural disaster.
Combat related trauma.
Health emergency.
Serious car accident.
How can you tell if your partner’s cheating has left you traumatized? These symptoms may be present:
Hypersensitivity, poor emotion regulation.
Irritability
Persistent feelings of anger and rage.
Confusion
Feelings of worry or fear that persist.
Sense of hopelessness.
Easily triggered.
Withdraw socially.
Avoidance any reminder of the affair.
Residual trust issues.
Anxiety symptoms.
Symptoms of PTSD
Most people do eventually cycle through the emotional after effects of trauma from being cheated on. However, for some, the symptoms of PTSD persist. PTSD is the most severe result of having experienced a trauma and is diagnosed when trauma lasts more than a month.
Symptoms of PTSD include:
Flashbacks, ruminating thoughts, or nightmares.
Emotional detachment or numbness.
Avoiding triggering situations, places, or people.
Feelings of shame or guilt.
Depression
Anxiety
Sexual promiscuity.
Mood swings.
Hyper-vigilance.
Hyper-arousal.
Insomnia
Isolating behaviors.
Irritability; hostility.
Guilt
Loneliness
Relationship problems.
Trust issues.
Substance abuse.
How to Overcome the Trauma Caused from Being Cheated On
So, how do you move on after being cheated on? You know you need to get on with your life, but the wounds from being cheated on are very deep. You might want to exact revenge on the cheating partner, but there are much more constructive actions to take. Here are some tips for working through the pain caused by infidelity:
Self-care. It is important to regain a sense of self-worth after being cheated on. Too often, the victim is left feeling so badly about themselves that they stop taking care of their wellbeing. Practice self-care on a regular basis. This can include massage, spa treatments, meditation, yoga, and regular exercise.
Support. Don’t be shy about confiding in a close friend about what you are going through. A trusted friend can help you achieve perspective about the affair, and guide you through the emotional turmoil that follows. Allow your friend to be there for you, and to see that you are cared for and safe.
Journal. Keeping a journal allows you to dump all that emotion out of your head and onto the written page. This is an exercise that helps you avoid ruminating over the event and can also help to examine your emotions. As hard as it is to write the words, keeping a journal can be therapeutic in many ways.
Mental Health Treatment Options for Victims of Infidelity
If you find that you are not able to recover emotionally from the pain of being cheated on, there may be a good reason. Perhaps you have been cheated on in the past or had a parent that cheated on the other. Maybe you have been the victim of other traumas, such as abuse. The effect the affair has on each person differs based on each person’s unique history.
When you are stuck in a bad place and need some guidance and support, there are some great treatment sources to consider:
Outpatient care. Outpatient mental health treatment is available in three levels of care. These include weekly therapy sessions, intensive outpatient programs, and partial hospitalization programs.
Mental health retreats. The retreats are designed to provide intensive therapies and activities over a 2-4 day period.
Residential treatment. A residential mental health treatment program involves a more intensive immersion in therapies that help you overcome the trauma.
The Treatment Specialist Provides Mental Health Information and Guidance
The Treatment Specialist is an online resource for informative articles on mental health conditions and treatment options for adults, teens, and families. If you are experiencing trauma from being cheated on, please reach out to us today at (866) 644-7911.
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